“Control yourself. Take only what you need from it.” Kids, MGMT

He’s strapping the catchers gear onto my 10 yr old who. Clean healthy childen toss a ball around the field gleefully streaking bleached white pants with red dirt. The coach calls out last names, field positions and instructions to “keep your elbow back”. My husband buzzes, alive with the thrill of watching his offspring “hustle” and succeed.

I’m watching other people live.

The baseball field is nestled in a bowl surrounded by mountains. Snakes coil under quivering chapparel. A tree lies on the path, broken to the roots by the last windstorm it could withstand.

I know I’m safe, loved, protected and fortunate, but I’m restless. Its all out there being bigger than this. But is it really? Being in this little organized world is me giving. I’m being of service. I’m making a safe coccoon where others can grow strong roots. It is honorable and noble. I can feel proud.

Maybe if my roots were stronger my spirit wouldn’t blow away so easily. All I want to do is shriek a primal scream and run naked into the wind.

Safety’s in here. Survival’s out there.

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